Tuesday, September 21, 2010

OMG. I'm back in High School

Not really. But in this whole trying-to-get published journey, I am strangely reminded of my relentless High School boy chasing.

Similarity 1: Analyzing Communications
I got a mix CD from a boy once and analyzed the lyrics for every single song, assuming he was sending me subliminal messages about his true feelings for me in music. Since the majority of the songs were focused on the theme of "love", I came to the conclusion that he did in fact, like me. (I was right by the way).

I do the same thing for communications regarding my writing. I obsess over every word, analyze the meaning and look for hidden messages within the text to see if I can figure out the true emotion for my work.

Truth 1: The people sending these things likely do not put as much thought into creating them as you do analyzing them, ie, the boy may have put the love-themed songs on the CD because he likes them and wanted to share them.

Similarity 2: The call
When I got the first call from my agent, I missed it. As soon as I saw a missed call from a 212 area code, I proceeded to shriek loudly, dance around the kitchen for about ten minutes and then spent another ten minutes calming myself down so I wouldn't sound like an absolute spaz when I called her back.

After my ritual was complete, it was after five and I got her voicemail. The brief thought ran through my head, "Should I hang up and call back tomorrow?" Yet with Caller ID, she would know I called and then see I didn't leave a message and I would be a freak. Message was short, sweet and to the point.

The next day while I was waiting for her return call, I kept my phone with me at all times with the ringer turned up high so I wouldn't miss it. I may have also had my husband call me once or twice to make sure my phone was working. When that 212 number came up again, I let it ring twice and then picked it up, so she wouldn't know I had glued the phone to my hand earlier in the day.

I once had a crush on a guy named...we'll call him Brett, and after a very romantic afternoon at Denny's, he said he would call me later that night. I lay down on my rug with my face right next to the phone just staring at it, willing it to ring. Did I pick it up every now and then and check for a dial tone.? You betcha! Then after I hung it back up, I thought to myself, "Oh no, that could have been the exact moment he tried to call me." (my parents didn't have call waiting.)

Truth 2: The call will come if someone likes you (or your work), and if they don't, no amount of obsessing will make it happen.

Similarity 3: It's too perfect

Brett did call that night, just like he said he would, and asked if I wanted to do a repeat of our Denny's outing the next day. Hell yes I did! I hung up, floating on a cloud of teenage hormones, but after the high wore off, I thought, "It's too perfect. There is no way this can possibly be happening to me."

I decided it would never work out. After one or two outings, he would inevitably find something wrong with me and the short-lived relationship would be over. Do I ever wonder if this book may not be the one that gets published? Absolutely.

Truth 3: This is not necessarily a bad thing. A healthy does of reality can bring your head back out from the clouds and enable you to say, "It may not work out with this boy, (book) but it doesn't mean I'll be single (unpublished) forever."

And on the bright side, since I write YA, dredging up this torrent of teenage emotion only gives me more fuel for my writing.

No comments: